Profile pictures are what the whole online dating experience hangs on – if you don’t lure anybody in with that profile pic, you ain’t going to be flooded with emails in your inbox.   It may seem shallow, but truth be told, first impressions count for a lot on a dating site – how else do you even begin to narrow down a field of several million when you join one of the bigger online dating sites.  You HAVE to look at the photos and see if anybody draws you in.

I mean, I guess that person I was talking about above did kind of draw me in, so maybe she was cleverer than me??  But I wasn’t impressed – my first impression was to laugh, not dream about future romance with this girl.  A photo needs to entice, to attract, to lead someone to read the words underneath the picture!  Just like reading a boring book when you were a child – you look at the pictures and if you see any you like you read the words!

So to summarise, profile photos are vital for making a good first impression on dating sites.  Maje sure you take a really good shot that makes you look great, that will attract other singles and make them want to read your profile.

Oh my good

I recently read an article, I believe on cnn.com, which highlighted a new cell phone app that helps people hook up. This is DEFINITELY not your grandma’s phone application. Using the GPS capabilities of a smart phone you can see the location of other singles (prospectively) in your area who are available and willing to hook up. I’m all for technology and the way it sometimes brings people together, but I’m not so sure about the safety of such an app. Some of the touted merits of such an application make sense. For instance, you can tell who else in a bar or social venue is single and available – it’s a bit like have live dating sites on your phone. But do the perks outweigh the negatives? Apparently part of the “fun” of the application is that you can meet a completely random person for what is sure to be completely random sex or interaction, so long as you’re a member of the site or app. Maybe I’m old-school, but this gives me flashbacks of my dad telling me never to give out my physical location online, so not to be targeted by predators.

Which begs the next question, what about teens using this technology? I’m not a user of any of these apps myself, but I imagine that it’s no more difficult for a teenager to access this app than it is for them to access online pornography. Simply click “I solemnly swear I’m not under 18” and you’re in! In short, I see the up-sides of the app, but tend to lean more towards classic human interaction as a way of meeting (and screening!) potential partners.

But every now and then in your online dating life you encounter a break-up that feels as though the whole world ended, and it imploded inside of your chest cavity. Usually this is following a relationship of years, in which houses, furniture, pets or even children can be involved. Splitting up after years together feels like cutting off a limb, and the negotiations regarding possessions and friends that follows feels like putting salt in that wound. Once the period that I refer to as “Conquering and Dividing” occurs, you may then move on to the next levels of a big break-up. I name them as follows:

1. The Wheepy Phase- The time when seeing so much as their old T-Shirt that got mixed in with your things makes you break into a glob of tears and emotional hysteria.
2. The Angry Phase- When your anger takes over and you ponder the many ways to end their existence. I think of this phase as a defense mechanism that your mind picks up because you just can’t cry forever.
3. The Dishonest Phase- When you tell everyone that will listen, including yourself, that you’re so over that person and you’re far better off without them.
4. The Moment of Clarity- When you realize, usually quite suddenly, that you’re not over them and ponder whether you’re really better off now.
5. The Numb Phase- When enough time passes and you’re eventually forced to move on completely. You might begin dating again during this phase, or at best not crying yourself to sleep most nights.
6. The Reminiscence Phase- When you’ve probably started dating again, or are in a relationship, and you look back on that person or relationship and can begin to see things clearly. Things that used to seem completely ludicrous and the fault of the other person morph in your clarity into scenarios that your actions impacted or could have changed. Blame often shifts during this phase as you become finally able to be honest with yourself about the relationship and your part in it, now that admitting you were wrong won’t kill your ego or send you into a tailspin of impenetrable sadness.

The truth of the matter is not flowery, it is not romantic and it is not the stuff that Disney movies are made of: People hurt us, they leave, and we don’t usually forget the pain or the person. Likewise we hurt other people, and the same process goes for them. But at some point you’ve got to get up, dust yourself off and just keep swimming (thanks Nemo).